he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
