she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
