It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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