Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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