Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
