Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
