I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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