everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
