i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
