My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
