Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
