she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
