ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
