Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
