You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
