Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
