Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
