I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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