Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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