Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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