I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
