Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
