i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
