I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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