Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
