we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
