All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
