I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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