Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
