she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
