Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
