I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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