I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
