well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
