I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
