well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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