She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dear god my vagina.
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