Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
