Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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