This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
