The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
