Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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