She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
