i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
