I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
