Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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