Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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