Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
