I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
