I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
