Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
